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Love & Relationships

How to breakup with him less painfully

Breaking up is never easy. Whether it is initiated by you or the other person, breakup often leaves at least one broken heart. And yet, separation is a better option than staying in a tormented relationship. Sometimes breaking up is necessary.

You no longer have feelings for your partner? The relationship collapsed to the point that can not be repaired? You feel that you would be happier with someone else? Then it is time to start thinking how to put an end to the current relationship.

There is no magic strategy that will make the breakup easy and simple, but there are a few tips and tactics with whose assistance you will be able to breakup with your partner as painlessly as possible.

Think about why do you want to end the relationship and ensure that separation is what you really want

If you think of parting ways after a heated discussion, it is best to wait until you cool your head because it is likely that you will change your mind later. If you spend more time thinking about breaking up, think about the reasons why you do not want to stay with your current partner anymore. Do not start talking about breakup if you just want your partner to pay attention to you or to frighten him.

Get a distance for a few days

Avoid long conversations. Tell him that for a few days you will have too much work or you have to study a lot and you will not be able to go out together. When he calls, be colder than usual. The small break will give you the opportunity to consider whether you really want the breakup, and to him it will indicate that something is wrong.

If you are sure that he is not for you, don’t wait any longer

You know you should breakup with him, but you have no courage. You think: ‘All my friends and family like him, so I will wait to change my opinion’, ‘He loves me too much, I will wait some time until his feelings cool down’… This is bad! The more you wait, the more you torment yourself, and you risk that he will be even more attached to you or he will begin to make joint plans (for summer vacation or – engagement), and breaking up will fall much harder on him.

He should find out about the breakup first

It is okay to talk to your best friend about problems you have in the relationship, but in no way talk in front of the entire company that you intend to breakup with him. Some people do not know how to keep a secret, so the news can quickly came to his ears or his wall on Facebook. If at least you worry a little about his feelings and dignity, tell him first.

Breakup with him personally

Do not use e-mail, Facebook or SMS-messages to tell him the bad news. Breakup message is cowardly action. You can use this way only if it will hurt you so much to see his sad face.

Select an appropriate location

Agree to meet in a neutral ground. You should never be in his or your home. But if you do not want to humiliate him, the place should not be too public like a cafe or restaurant. You can never predict how he will react when he hear the news. The best place is somewhere in the Park, on a private bench. But if you think that he can be violent, do the breakup in a place where a crowd of people is near.

Do not postpone the subject

Be honest but sensitive. It will not be bad if you start with the phrase ‘We need to talk’. It may act as a cliche, but that way he will know what is happening. Do not specify stupid reasons like: ‘It is not you, I am the problem’ or ‘I do not want to be in a relationship’. But do not be too harsh either. Remember that nobody wants to get ‘dumped’. Tell him a few of the things that bother you and explain why you are not good for each other anymore.

Do not say ‘maybe’

Do not give him false hope just to comfort him at the moment. You need to know that you are putting the end and he needs to be able to immediately accept it. If you deceive him with ‘Now I am not ready for a serious relationship, but maybe in a few months’ or ‘There is hope, but I need time’, he will not be able to immediately begin the process of  moving on and it will torment him longer. Be honest.

Expect any kind of response

Be prepared to see tears, anger, coldness or begging. ‘Please don’t’, ‘How can you do this?’, ‘You will regret for this’,’ You’ll never find someone like me’ … These are just some of the reactions you can expect. In the worst case, expect him to become violent and threatening. Before you start the conversation, you must be prepared for these reactions so you will be able to react soberly.

Do not allow to be manipulated

If you have decided that you should breakup with him, hold to your decision. Do not pity him if you see tears in his eyes. Do not let him give you promises that you know he will never keep. Surely you do not want to stay with a man because of pity or because you feel guilty to leave him.

Get a distance from him

Do not call him the next day to ask how he is doing. Do not try to become his friend. The best way to help him is to get distance from him. The absence of any contact will enable him to move on from you faster.

Of course, the amount of pain from the breakup depends on the relationship. If you went only once or twice, it is enough not to call him to show him that you want a breakup. But if you were in a long relationship and have had feelings for one another, choose a gentle way to end the relationship and keep the good memories.